It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
