God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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