it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
