You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
