party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
