I wish my penis had an off switch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize