i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
