Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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