He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
