Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
