Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
