My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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