Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Of course I have a pirate flag
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
