I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
