I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
