saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
