Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
