Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize