i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
