Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
