she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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