do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
