I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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