I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
