she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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