Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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