Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
