dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is not my ceiling
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
