I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
