Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
