He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
