It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
