i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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