It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
