Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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