Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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