You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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