where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we're making bets on your personal life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
