its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
