You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
