marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize