I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
