Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
