Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
