dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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