Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
