Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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