The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
