You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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