Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
