Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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