I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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