help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
