Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
