all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
