I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
