Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
