i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
