you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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