Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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