Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
