i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize