We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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