well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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