This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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